A.O. Scott's review is worth reading just to see him in full snark mode, but the movie was not quite as bad as he makes it out to be. I would say it is around the median of the various Marvel comic books turned movies.
Still, if you are choosing between them, I would pick Pirates just for Johnny Depp.
Aside: you know that raves are no longer cool when there is a chain of theaters named after them.
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